I’m going to talk a little bit about people depending on other people, by sharing a true story.
I have a friend who, her whole life had a problem with choosing the right partners.
On the course of her life, she had a few unusual experiences, to say the least.
She had married a man in order to prove something to other people; consequently, she ended up being dumped and her house being taken away from her.
Then she met another, a married man, who helped her get her house back. She then started a relationship with him as a mistress, to this day, for 15 years. No positive changes occurred over the years in her marital status, material status or love life, only the fact that he started beating her.
On the course of this so-called relationship, she had a few affairs, out of which two were with men that were obsessing over her. One of those affairs also lasts to this day, and this will be the subject to this article.
This man she chose, younger than her by 13 years, seemed nice at first. He seemed to care a lot about making a good first impression with us, her friends, eager to help everybody and overall a nice person.
It wasn’t until the relationship evolved that I discovered his true face. That also happened to be the time when stuff started going south.
We soon learned that the reason why he was being so nice was the simple fact that he was trying to build himself a good image in her eyes, and, as soon as he started spending more and more time with her, he also started saying bad thing to her about us, trying to alienate us.
He didn’t let her out of his sight, he started controlling her. He started saying that he cannot accept her relationship to the married man and that he hated being second.
Being second seemed to be something he hated most of all, because at some point, when he felt threatened because she spent some time with us, he started badmouthing us and saying stuff that wasn’t true in order to manipulate her into thinking we were no good.
He was controlling her every move, staying with her for as long as possible, whispering things that were not so nice in her ear.
But she wasn’t a saint either. Because she had suffered on the course of her life from the lack of love and affection, she needed him to fill that gap.
The problem was: his gap was a thousand times bigger than hers. She was his drug; he couldn’t go an hour without getting his fix.
At some point, I don’t know how, they managed to sleep only a few hours in a couple of weeks.
He wouldn’t even let her rest, and when she tried to tell him that she needed a day to herself he started giving a tantrum, threatening her to divulge their affair to her life partner, saying also things like “Why do you send me away? Don’t you love me? Go! Go be a mistress, a whore!”.
He was obsessing over her, inundating her with phone calls, texts and waiting for hours in front of the building for her to leave the house.
Because of that, she tried to break up the relationship, but discovered that she couldn’t. He filled her gap. What would happen to her gap, if he wasn’t around anymore? So she relented each and every time, prolonging her own suffering.
He is a manipulator.
The kind of man who destroys everything and everyone around him, and who will do whatever it takes and crush anyone who he feels threatened about, in order to get what he needs. Just like a junkie. Except the fact that his addiction isn’t alcohol or drugs. It’s affection. And that’s the worst kind of addiction.
They call their relationship “love”. I call it “dependence”. What do you think?